Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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