On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
