i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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