sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
