I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
