The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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