A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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