You made me cry and you don't even care
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize