What tipped you off? The sombrero?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
