I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
this beer tastes like vomit already
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Never underestimate the power of titties
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
