So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
