the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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