actually, I'm a sock model
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
