Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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