Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
