she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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