As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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