I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
