8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
