Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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