it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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