i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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