Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize