Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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