And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
