i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
