I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
