HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
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