Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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