I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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