Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
