my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i think i scared a bird with my dick
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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