he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
