Dude my mom stole all your condoms
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
