My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
3 2 1 whiskey
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize