You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
