at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize