It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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