you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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