Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
