Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
