Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my shit smells like andre
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
