By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
