Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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