yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
