cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
