I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize