I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
