I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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