her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
