Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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