We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
