We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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