when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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