i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
