he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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