Dual....:-)
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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