Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Less talking, more tequila
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
