i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
