If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
