Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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