cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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