Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
