i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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